<05.24am> Lately i seem to be happy.. but at the same time.. ive noticed.. im startin to get the arse quickli.. over stupid things? is that coz ive not had enough sleep? is it coz im just being childish coz im tired? to be honest, theres lots of things running through my head right now.. =( beginning to think everything i do is wrOng.. everything i say is wrong .. and everything i decide is wrong. i prOved that i have done EVERYTHING wrong in this past year. Why can i not become someone who is smart? someone who knOws how to think.. someone who is successful... someone that is strong? i dnt even kno whaT im going on about.. guess its my heart and mind typing these words out right now.. =/ i realli upset someone today.. im sorri.. =( ive knOwn u for so long.. and im so close to u.. and i tell u everything.. unless i dnt think its necessary. But.. today what you found out.. pissed u off? upset u? i dnt even kNo.. for u to S T O P talkin to me. shows how much u were mad at me. I try to explain.. but i dnt know if u see it that way.. probs not i guess.. but u kno what.. i feel coz of what i decided.. is it gona ruin our friendship? throughout the time i kno u.. i just think u would understand my decisions, my points, my thoughts? have i changed? maybe from when all i did was listen to my heart.. u thought i started to change? from love life to friendship... i seem to becomin a failure.. fish .. im coming to jOin u. =( i kno how u felt when u posted that blog of urs now. how low.. and how hurt u were. but i guess u were more hurt than i am. u kno.. i dnt kno what i want anymore? i dnt kno what to do.. sometimes i just wished someone would care for me the way i feel cared for. through friends.. not from a boyfriend. i was happy the past month. everything i did made me smile... everything i did i was laughing.. everywhere i went.. i was smiling.. but now.. this big FAT frown just appeared on mY face.. something i thought wouldnt happen for a long time after i took myself out a relatiobship that was killing my happiness.. i thought i wouldnt frown for a long time. i look at myself and think.. am i that easy to pick on? am i realli that weak? can i not stand up for my self? why am i so sensitive? why can something little make me the way i am. why when i think about all these things.. tears just cant stop rolling down my cheeks. am i becoming a failure? am i becoming a weak Yin that i once was? am i loosing everything i had.. and everything i gained? i dont kno. i dont kno how to answer my own questions anymore. i dnt kno what i feeL and think anymOre. i feel like a spagetti junction! hai. .. why is life so complicated?! why am i so complicaTed? why is all my emotions coming out now? am i that hard to get a long with? am i that hard to become GOOD friends with? u kno.. im just chatting bullshit now.. coz i have no idea what im even going on about now. just all i kno is.. everything is B L A N K to me.. | 
